apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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