had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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