Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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