you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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