The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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