he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
