i don't like sucking hair
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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