Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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