If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
