currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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