I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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