He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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