he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
