Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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