Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
