ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
