Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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