Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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