Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
