"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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