I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
