So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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