I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
