Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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