I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
