my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my shit smells like andre
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
