Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
