I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I could make wine with my vomit
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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