In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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