I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
