Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
