we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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