Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
