Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
