You just made me feel so damn special
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
