I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
