I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
