kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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