She just used a chaser for red wine.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
