Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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