oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
