Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the raccoons are back...
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