i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
