He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
