Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize