living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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