he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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