I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
