listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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