I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
