I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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