wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
