ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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