Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
