Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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