Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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