I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
