So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I enjoy the company of your penis
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
