half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
