It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
