alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
