I'm jealous of your bromance
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
