theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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