Define "chronic" masturbator.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
