now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
