This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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