I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
