He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
