I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Randomize
